Harry Potter and the Child of Night
by WolfChild111
Summary: Harry becoming an Auror and marrying Ginny never seemed right. A war survivor, practically bred to be a sacrifice wouldn't want to keep doing the expected, would he? Wherein, Harry makes his own choices, with a little help from his friends.


First Harry Potter Fanfic so please be kind.

Warnings: Ginny and Molly bashing, mentions of death, depression and suicidal ideation.

After Dumbledore's funeral, he and Ginny had broken up because he had wanted to keep her safe. Now that Voldemort was finally defeated, they could be together again.

At least, that was what he had thought he wanted. The girl-turned-woman who had waited for her promised prince to sweep her off her feet. Now, sipping tea in the Burrow, surrounded by the Weasley's, he wondered if he actually wanted to part with the diamond ring in his pocket.

He and Ginny had been together since the battle of Hogwarts, six months ago. At first, he had been thrilled to finally be with the person whose smile he had held onto on the cold nights of the hunt. Her passion and warmth had been sorely missed and they were eager to rekindle the flame after the battle; burning with desire and relief that they had made it out alive. It had helped dull the ache of grief that hung over them both. He had lost a mentor and his last link to his parents; she had lost one half of her favourite brothers.

That grief was still felt keenly by the remaining members of the Weasley family. So much had changed since the war but Fred was obviously missed. George was rarely seen at his family home, preferring to throw himself into their shop "to honour his memory", as he would say. The few times Harry had glimpsed him when in Diagon Alley, he had been buzzing about the shop with a con mans smile and deep bags under his eyes. Harry had been very fond of the twins and it hurt that he couldn't do anything to help George with his grief. He may have lost his parents, but he barely knew them. He had no idea what would help someone grieve their literal other half.

Instead he had focused on the one person who he could help: his godson.

Remus and Tonks had chosen the right person for their boy. Harry adored Teddy and many of his worries about his future with Ginny stemmed from her reluctance for him to take a more permanent role in his life. At first, she was fine with his frequent visits to Mrs Tonks place to help look after the new-born, but when he suggested that Andy and Teddy move into Grimmauld with him, she wasn't pleased. He could remember that day very clearly.

It was about 4 months ago. Ginny and Ron had come for dinner with him and Hermione, who was staying at Grimmauld while deciding if she should look for her parents. The Burrow was just too crowded, and the couples wanted a quiet date night. They were both staying over, and his best friends had retired to bed. He was snuggled with Ginny on the sofa discussing the future, she was thinking of trying out for the Harpies after her final year at Hogwarts. Harry wouldn't be returning as he had chosen to study his NEWTs independently and was making arrangements to take them at the Ministry after Christmas.

"I still don't understand why you won't come back to Hogwarts. McGonagall said that most of your year will be coming back." Her eyes were pleading for him to join them, and Hermione had badgered him to no end about the importance of his schooling. She was the only reason he had arranged a tutor in the first place. Kingsley had offered the Golden Trio jobs in the Ministry as a thank you, Harry and Ron in the Auror Department and Hermione in the Dept for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Harry had declined, much to everyone's shock, stating he had had his fill of Dark Wizards. He refused to say any more about it.

"I have my tutors." He sighed, "honestly Gin, I just can't face the idea of going back where they all died, where** he** died."

_Where__** I**__ died_.

Nobody really knew what had happened in the Forest, and he was reluctant to say anything because he knew they would be horrified; would wonder how he survived when others didn't. The last thing he wanted was to end up being studied in St Mungo's or the DOM.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, "I can understand that." They sat in silence for a beat or two until she piped up. "Aren't you going to be lonely though, when school starts up again?" He smiled at that, "actually, I was thinking of asking Andy if she and Teddy wanted to move in. She could use the extra help with him and I'm there most days if I'm not with you or at the Burrow."

He turned to look at her and noticed the stunned expression on her face. "You want to help raise him?" He was puzzled by the question, "He's my godson! I'm going to be there no matter what." He sighed, "what's wrong with that Gin?"

She shook her head as if to clear it, "I'm just surprised that you'd want such an active role in his life. I didn't think you'd want to be a dad so soon. At least until we'd finished school."

"I don't mind waiting for ours Gin, but I've always loved kids. I used to supervise the babies when my Aunt had her gossip sessions with the neighbours." He took her hand, "I don't want him to grow up alone. I know he has Andy, but a baby is just too much when you're on your own and grieving."

She seemed to accept that, but there was a wary look behind her eyes. "What about us? Our time together is going to be a bit…scarce with you looking after him full time. And what if you change your mind when it gets too hard? It's not fair to uproot them both for your convenience."

He could tell this was going to become a full-blown row but didn't get why. So he had placated her with a "just an idea, I'll sit on it for a bit" and coaxed her up to bed. Things started making more sense when Mrs Weasley began asking when Hermione was moving out and if he was looking at somewhere suitable for family-life. "When you and Ginny are working and thinking of kids."

She wasn't comfortable about someone else moving into her turf as it were. Andromeda Tonks was a widow with a new-born; a perfect candidate for Harry's 'saving people thing' and they wanted to be sure that Ginny's kids would be his priority.

He hadn't liked the idea of the Weasley's monopolising him like that, despite understanding Molly's need to protect her only daughter and future grandkids. He'd played along though as he was tired of fighting and had started taking walks around the area, ostensibly to see what was available near them.

This had led him to Luna.

Ginny had rarely accompanied him on his 'property walks' as she wasn't as keen on being close to her mum as she was being close to her job. So, he would wander down to the newly rebuilt Lovegood's and spend time with Luna.

She had always been his favourite of his friends, not to bad mouth Ron and Hermione, but they weren't exactly the easiest people to get along with. They had always been critical or dictated what he should like and how he should be. But Luna, she would just listen and give her own advice. She had a calming, soothing presence that he was eternally grateful for and he wished he'd known her sooner.

He had never been exactly comfortable with the fame as The-Boy-Who-Lived, and then again as The-Man-Who-Conquered, but he was always just Harry with her and that was something he treasured. Even Ginny, the woman he loved still saw him as her prince, a brave knight on a white horse set to right the wrongs of the world when really, he'd been thrown into the situation head-first with no control over the outcome. His entire life dictated by prophecy and the power struggle between the general of the Light and the general of the Dark he was simply a pawn while everyone else viewed him as the King.

His so-called friends never even seemed to understand that he hated his fame, he never wanted to be a hero. He did what was right because it was right, and he had no choice but to do it. He had been manipulated from birth into being a sacrifice, a willing sacrifice, because there was no other option for him.

So many people had died because of one megalomaniacs vision of the Wizarding World. The last thing he wanted was to be the cause of more death, of more suffering, of more grief. Only Luna seem to understand that and simply treated him as her best friend.

They spent their afternoons sipping tea, painting and planning adventures to exotic places. After her experiences at Malfoy Manor, she wasn't the same. Her light had dimmed and her once luminous eyes no longer held the child-like innocence and naivety that had caused her to be mocked by her peers. As such she no longer viewed the world the same way. She was one of the few of her year not returning to Hogwarts; she was instead planning to travel around the world and write about the creatures she found for the Quibbler.

While in the basement she had decided that she wasn't going to let anyone dictate how her life should be, she wanted to work with animals, and she didn't need her NEWT's for that. She had spent so much time wondering, 'is this the day I die?' That she no longer wanted to have any regrets when the time finally came. She wanted to find the Crumpled Horn Snorkack and discover where Nargles came from. She wanted to find more creatures that no one had ever seen like Newt Scamander had done all those years ago.

She wanted to live as herself for the simple reason that she refused to apologise for who she was. Harry admired her worldview but was devastated at how it had come about. So, he supported her, offered to fund the trips, helped to plan her routes, even knowing that Luna would definitely be off the beaten path. And of course, above all else, he wanted reports on how she was doing and what she had found.

He admired her so much for following her dream, but he'd been fighting other people's wars for so long, he didn't really know what he wanted anymore. Wife, kids, a career as an Auror sounded like someone else's dream in the wake of all that chaos and grief. But he was so used to taking orders that someone else's dream could easily become his.

Luna of course just wanted him happy, and she knew he wasn't happy with all the pressure and expectations that have been put on him in the wake of the war. He wanted to be left alone but the public refused. Even months after Voldemort's defeat he was still receiving thanks and gifts by owl, numbering in the hundreds every single day. The wizarding world needed their saviour, but honestly, he didn't feel like one.

He quickly gulped the last dregs of tea which had become cold during his musings and stood to leave, realising that he needed to talk to Luna. If anyone could help him sort out this turmoil in his head, it was her.

"I'm heading out now, I'll see you all tomorrow." Percy barely looked up from his paper as he waved goodbye and Mrs Weasley looked up from her knitting. "Are you not staying for dinner, Harry dear?"

"Sorry Mrs. Weasley, I promised Andy I'd have Teddy tonight so she can have a relaxing evening." Mrs. Weasley huffed, "at least let me make you something to eat, You're all skin and bone."

He laughed, "don't worry, I won't starve. Kreacher's making casserole." She smiled grimly, "very well Harry, see you tomorrow then."

He waved to her absentmindedly as he wandered out of the Burrow and into Ottery St Catchpole. He wandered down the lane until he reached the stream and once there, he hopped over and into the boundaries of the Lovegood's home. As he approached the door, he heard Luna's distinctive humming floating through an open window. He smiled as he recognised the tune to be one that they had made up one memorable afternoon which had resulted in them being liberally covered in yellow paint.

He was over so often he didn't even knock, knowing that he was always welcome. Xeno was off on an expedition and so it was just Luna who greeted him. "Oh Harry! You're absolutely buzzing. I've never seen so many Wrackspurts! What's wrong?"

"I bought a ring," he blurted out. "Oh." She said sadly, her eyes dimming slightly, "and you're happy?" She asked quizzically. "No," he cried, "that's the problem! I've bought a ring but I'm not sure if Ginny is worth it."

"I see." She calmly murmured, "I will make tea." She turned and began and filling the kettle with water.

Harry pulled out a chair and collapsed next to the kitchen table, put his head in his hands and let out a frustrated groan. "It's not that I don't love her… at least… I think I do? And that it's not that …but the way she is with Teddy… and the way Mrs. Weasley keeps going on and on about marriage and kids and settling and jobs… it feels like she's pushing me into something without letting me have a say. One minute I'm the saviour of the wizarding world, the next I'm a child who doesn't know what he wants, or what great opportunities I have, and how I'm throwing my life away raising **my** godson. I don't even know if she wants me. Just Harry. Not Potter or The-Boy-Who-Lived. Just… Harry."

He sighed deeply, "we never talk about anything that interests me, it's always Harpies this and Hogwarts that. I feel like she doesn't know me. Does she know my favourite colour? Or my favourite flavour of cake? Or what I want my Animagus form to be? Maybe she doesn't. Maybe what we have is just first love or first crush… whatever you want to call it, something fleeting and if we try and build on it, it will crumble because our foundations are just non-existent."

"What do you think Luna?" He asked as she placed a steaming cup of tea in front of him.

She sat across from him and looked dreamily out of the window. "I think you know the answer but the Wrackspurts are getting in the way. Nargles have stolen your past and now they're trying to steal your future." She paused for a moment before facing him, "does she make you laugh?"

Harry thought about it, for longer than he would have liked about the last time he laughed. It had been yesterday when Luna had pushed him into the stream. He tried to remember last time Ginny made him laugh, and to be honest it was probably the joke about the Hungarian Horntail tattoo that had last brought a chuckle from him.

"She doesn't." He stated sadly, "she doesn't make me laugh. I know she wants to be a chaser for the Harpies, her favourite colour is bottle green, she wants her Animagus to be a large cat, probably a tiger, and she will fight all her brothers for the last slice of her mother's strawberry shortcake. Does she know that much about me? She probably knows all the history, can recite dates from my life when things happened, but does she know I'm allergic to honeysuckle or that I despise the colour green?"

"And that when you're nervous, you start tapping your wand against your leg, and that your knee bounces when you're thinking and that your nose wrinkles just before you lie." Harry looked shocked, "I've never lied to you!"

"But you have lied in front of me," she smirked.

Harry chuckled, "true." He stared at his tea, looking wistfully into its depths before sighing and taking the black box out of his pocket. He opened it up and stared at the large diamond inside, watching it twinkle at him. He thought about the way that Ginny's eyes would sparkle, how she would smile when she saw it.

It didn't make him happy.

"I know I'm not going to give this to her," he said with a resigned sigh, "because I bought it." He looked up at Luna, exhaustion in his eyes, "if I really cared I would have at least looked in my family vault to find something, maybe my mums ring even."

He closed the box with a loud snap, "I'm going to break up with her. If I did love her it didn't survive the war, and the person that she is now…" he looked up at Luna who had the beginnings of tears in her silver eyes, "she isn't the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know what it was like at Hogwarts that final year, but the way she talks about it you would've thought it was a great crusade. She was safer in Hogwarts even as a blood traitor. She had no idea what the war was really like, she only saw the ending. She didn't really live through it; not like we did. She hasn't got the scars, or the nightmares, just her hopes for the future, our future. Part of me can't take that from her, but a stronger part of me is just tired of bending over backwards to please everyone but me."

He sagged into his seat and struggled not to cry. Luna made her way to his side and swept him into her arms, tears dripping off her nose as she hugged him close. He buried his head in her shoulder and wept, gripping her tight as if she would disappear if he let go. She let him sob and stroked his back, saying nothing, just letting him be.

After a while, Harry began to quiet, calmed by Luna's scent of lemon balm and dirigible plums. Her butterbeer corks were digging into his cheek and he could feel her earring getting tangled in his hair, but he hadn't felt so good in a long time.

He pulled back to stare at the remarkable woman, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Luna." She smiled, "let the Nargles win."


End file.
